


heaven sent

by Phoebmonster



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: AU, Amnesia, Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by captain marvel, Mild Blood, Mild Gore, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23860258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebmonster/pseuds/Phoebmonster
Summary: Six years ago, Sara had woken up in a dark room, a woman with dark hair standing over her, with no memory of who she was or how she got there.Your name is Ta-er al-Sahfer,the woman said.You belong here now.Sara believed her, and throughout her time in the League, she'd never been allowed to stop and consider who she was before she'd washed up on that cursed island.Now she could think of nothing else.(aka a Captain Marvel AU)
Relationships: Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 79
Kudos: 266





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> it's a captain marvel au my dudes - i dont think you need to have seen the film to understand this but it would probably help!! (also its a fun film lol i would Reccomend)
> 
> if its in italics its a dream / flashback btw
> 
> tw include: torture, blood, knives, panic attacks, nightmares

"Name?"

"Ta-er al-Sahfer"

"Your name is Sara Lance. You were a pilot for the PEGASUS Project."

Sara spat at the man. It was mostly blood. 

The machine he'd attached her to sent white hot electricity coursing through her brain, causing her mouth to fill with a gross coppery taste. There was blood dribbling from her chin and maybe her nose, her face was too numb and bruised to tell.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about -"

"I don't want to do this." The man said quietly. "But you need to remember."

He switched the machine on again, and Sara bit back a scream as he pulled memories from her head. At first, they didn't make sense, just flashes and moments, and Sara was more focused on not giving into the torture than trying to decipher them.

She didn't break; the man took what he needed anyway.

Six years ago, Sara had woken up in a dark room, a woman with dark hair standing over her, with no memory of who she was or how she got there.

_Your name is Ta-er al-Sahfer,_ the woman said. _You belong here now._

Sara believed her, and throughout her time in the League, she'd never been allowed to stop and consider who she was before she'd washed up on that cursed island.

Now she could think of nothing else.

///

_Remember – that’s it –_

Sara was at an airfield. It was hot and humid, and she rubbed the back of her neck, where little wisps of hair that had escaped from her ponytail had become slick with sweat. She made her way towards the hanger, where a beautiful blonde woman was beaming at her. 

“You see that Ava? I pulled like, 5Gs!” Sara said, not entirely sure what she’d just said, but the woman just rolled her eyes.

“If your head gets any bigger, you won’t fit in the cockpit.” She said, rolling her eyes, and Sara stuck up her middle finger, causing them both to laugh –

_No, later. Later, come on –_

“You really want to live here?” The blonde woman asked, and Sara looked up. She was in front of a slightly beaten up house, surrounded by trees.

“It’s a fixer-upper!” Sara said, the words unfamiliar on her tongue.

_No! Later, later – focus, Sara._

Her head was aching, and Sara gasped, squeezing her eyes shut.

She opened them, she was looking at a map, her finger hovering over a small mark –

_Think about the planes, Sara. Think about the final flight._

Sara was in a plane, hands moving on instinct over the controls, a heavy mask on her face - her head was pounding so hard tears were forced from her eyes, and she could hardly see. She blinked quickly, trying to catch her breath and think over the static filling her ears, but it was all too much - her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she lost consciousness.

///

Sara awoke with a start, spitting what felt like sand out of her mouth, and pushed herself up on her elbow. Everything hurt, her head most of all.

She was by a road. She flinched as a huge semi-truck blasted past her, and she kept her eyes on it as it drove down the long, straight road and disappeared over the horizon. Sara looked down to find she was dressed in a thin vest and small cotton shorts, not the thick leather outfit she’d last remembered wearing. 

A motorbike pulled up next to her.

Sara stood up, wary, and the man revved his engine. “You lost, little lady?” He grunted, grinning around the toothpick jammed between his lips.

“Where is the nearest city?” Sara said, and the man grunted, still smiling.

“How ‘bout I take you there? Hop on the back.” 

“I can take your motorbike?” Sara asked, feigning sweetness, and the man nodded.

“Yeah, whatever you want baby.” 

“Thank you.” Sara said, smiling, before her fist connected with his nose. He slid off the motorbike, clutching his face.

“What the fuck -” He said indignantly, but Sara ignored him, and kicked him in the jaw.

She poked him with her foot to make sure he was out cold, then started to pull off his clothes. They were a little big on her, but with a few rolls, the jeans fit, and she rather liked the leather jacket. Within a minute, she was rolling down the road, sunglasses perched on her nose, hair whipping behind her. 

///

She ended up at a small strip mall, where she stole a candy bar and a map. 

The map was familiar, somehow. Lots of things she could have sworn she’d never done were feeling familiar, like the sensation of riding a bike or the taste of the chocolate, and it made Sara very uncomfortable.

There was a little mark on the map, and Sara ran her finger over it. If her tattered memory was telling the truth, she had lived there.

Within fifteen minutes, she was back on the bike, rolling down the highway.

///

Sara stepped down from the motorbike. 

It was a beautiful house, baked into the dry brush, with the paint peeling and shutters slightly off-centre. It made her feel something she couldn’t yet name.

The loud bike had attracted the attention of someone, and the door opened. Sara couldn't move as the figure came towards her, long legs striding out and getting faster, then the woman from her memories - Ava - was right there. Her face was more than pale, eyes wide.

"Sara?" She said in a strangled whisper. "You're - is it really you?"

Sara couldn’t speak. She felt like she was in a dream. "I think so." She said, voice guarded.

"What do you mean, you think so?" Ava said quietly, stepping a little closer, her expression caught somewhere between confusion and awe.

"I don't remember who I am." Sara said. "The memories - I can't make sense of it."

"Do you remember me?" Ava asked, and when Sara shook her head, her face fell. 

"Flashes - bits and pieces, but nothing concrete."

"Where have you been?" 

"It's complicated. I haven't - I haven't slept - can I -"

"Come on." Ava reached out, as if to take her hand, but the hand was retracted before Sara could do anything. She just followed her meekly towards the house.

The porch was low and slightly creaky, as Sara stepped up onto it. The house was cosy and a little ramshackle, and Ava led her through to the kitchen, then gestured for her to sit down at the table. Sara watched her closely as she pulled a glass from the cupboard, took it to the sink and filled it with water, then set it on the table next to her.

Ava didn’t sit down, just leant against the counter with her arms crossed. Sara could see she was shaking, ever so slightly.

“It’s been six years.” Ava said suddenly, the words almost exploding out of her. “You’ve been gone – missing – for six years.”

Sara nodded, and took a sip of the water. 

“Where have you been?” Ava asked, voice shaking too.

“I’m not sure you’d believe me.” Sara said quietly.

Ava laughed, a humourless sound. “I’m not sure I believe any of this. Try me.”

“I was being trained by the League of Assassins.” 

There was silence.

“You’re an assassin?” Sara nodded. “Did – did you escape?” Ava asked, her voice hoarse.

“I was kidnapped. Some man wanted my memories - what’s the date?”

“May 3rd.”

“He must have had me for about a month.” Sara said quietly. 

“Then – then he just let you go?”

Sara shrugged. “I must have not been useful anymore.”

“So – for the last six years, you’ve been an assassin. Then you were kidnapped.” Ava said, quietly, like she was trying to wrap her head around everything. “But – you don’t remember anything? From before?”

Sara shook her head, and the woman looked at her like she wanted more, but Sara had nothing more to give. She just drank the water and looked at the floor.

“Then why are you _here?_ ” Ava asked, voice barely more than a whisper, and Sara shrugged again.

“I don’t know.” She answered, as honestly as she could.

There was silence.

“You’re – you’re filthy, I’ll run you a bath.” Ava muttered, turning quickly, leaving Sara alone in the kitchen.

///

“What are you doing?”

Sara knew Ava was standing in the doorway – she’d heard her coming along the corridor, so she didn’t turn, just focused on holding the plug above the plughole.   
“I don’t like it deep.” She muttered. When the water was only a couple of inches deep, she stuck the plug back in and started to pull her shirt off. She looked over her shoulder to see Ava turning away quickly.

“What are you doing!” Ava asked, voice slightly strangled, and Sara wondered just how different the League was from every-day life.

“Getting in the bath.” She said, as if it was obvious, shimmying the jeans off before stepping in. It was warm, and Ava seemed to have a few soaps lined up along the edge of the bath, which Sara looked at with interest.

“Can I use these?” She asked, and Ava turned back, but her eyes were trained on the floor.

“The shampoo? Yeah, sure.” She muttered. “I’ll just – I’ll put some clothes outside. Come find me when you’re done.”

Sara nodded, but the door was already shut.

After she was clean, skin pink and wrinkled from being sat in the shallow bath for so long, Sara got out, and dried herself off. Outside the bathroom she found a set of pyjamas that must be Ava’s, because they were a little long on her.

When she made it to the living room, she found Ava laying a pillow on the couch.

“You can sleep here tonight.” She said, arms crossed. Sara would have said she was nervous, but that seemed a strange emotion for their situation. She just nodded, and Ava passed her a blanket. “There’s more in the basket over there, if you get cold.” She muttered.

It wasn’t very late, but Sara was bone tired, so she just nodded, and Ava left.

Sara lay there, staring up at the ceiling, her head swirling. 

///

_Her knife was at his throat, she didn’t stop, she just pressed, down and down. He didn’t cry out, but there was a gurgle from his throat as blood began to pour from the wound, it was all over her hands and arms, but she stayed, staring down at him as his movements stilled and his eyes turned to glass, finally unseeing._

She didn’t know where she was, it was dark, and she sat up suddenly, heart racing – someone was pressing against her shoulders, and she acted on instinct. There was a high-pitched whine in her ears, and Sara pressed her palms to her head, trying to rid her mind of the images that she was drowning in – 

Nyssa had taught her – take the memories, lock them away. Breathe. Shut it out. _Breathe._

Sara pulled her hands away, breathing slowly. In front of her was Ava, the back of her hand pressed against her nose, blood covering her hand and dripping onto the rug below.

“You were screaming.” Ava said, voice muffled by her hand. “Was it – was it a bad dream?”

Sara nodded; her heart still erratic. “I have to – I have to go -”

Ava didn’t try to stop her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set in 1995 to match the film btw!
> 
> also that Ep!! i'm excited about sara's powers tbh

Sara slept on the porch swing. She liked it better than the couch, the couch was lumpy and soft, and it unnerved her. When she awoke with a start in the night, breathing harsh and fast, she turned her head and look at the stars, and that helped, just a little.

She spent the next morning round the back of the house, going through her training routine. She didn’t have any new recruits to practise with, or her knives or bo-staff, but a weighty stick and nearby trees at least gave her the feeling of a weapon in her hand, and the satisfying crack when it hit the tree.

She noticed Ava watching her from the kitchen window. 

“You wanna help?” Ava called, a large basket of laundry in her arms. Sara dropped the stick and wiped her hands on her jeans. 

She had to stand on tiptoes to reach the washing line, but she could, just. 

“I found – I had a box of your clothes.” Ava said, gesturing to the pile. “I pulled it out the attic. That way you don’t have to wear that anymore.” She said, and Sara looked down at the clothes she’d stolen from the man on the motorbike. It would be nice to wear something that actually fit her.

“Thank you.” Sara said, pulling a shirt from the box and pegging it to the line. “I’m sorry – about your nose.”

Ava shrugged. Her nose was bruised, a purple blotch running under her right eye too, but it didn’t look as bad as it had seemed the night before. “You – you weren’t in control.” She said quietly.

They pegged the rest of the laundry in silence.

///

“Here.” Ava said, plopping a box down on the couch. “It’s yours. That’s what they let me keep.”

Sara didn’t say anything, only opened the lid. It was mostly empty, but there was a small pile of photographs held together by string, which she untied carefully. Ava was almost out of the room when Sara looked up.

“I don’t know who these people are.”

Ava turned, and, after a moment of thought, walked back, setting herself down on the couch. Sara was grateful for the box, which created a comfortable distance between them. She held the first photograph out – it was of another blonde woman, wearing a cap and gown. 

“That’s Laurel.” Ava said quietly. “She – she was your sister.”

“Was?”

“She died.” Ava murmured, focused on the photograph. “Not long after this – it was a drunk driver. She was 22, you were 19. You didn’t talk about her much – she gave you that necklace though.”

Sara’s hand went to the thin silver ring that hung around her neck, holding it between her fingers. She’d had it since the island, but she’d never given a thought to where it had come from. 

The next photo was taken the same day, but with three people in the photograph – Laurel, a man, and herself, except with a different hairstyle, and a big wide grin.   
It was strange; Sara didn’t think she’d ever seen herself smile so wide.

“That’s your dad, Quentin.” Ava said quietly, in the same tone as before, and Sara looked up. “He died too.” Ava said, clearly uncomfortable, and Sara nodded. She knew the news that all her family was dead should make her feel something, but it didn’t. These people were strangers to her. 

“He died in ’85. He was a cop; it was a drug bust gone wrong. You joined the air-force the week after.”

“Do I have a mom?” Sara asked, and Ava shrugged.

“You told me she left when you were little. I don’t know if she’s still alive.”

Sara nodded again. The next few photographs were of her family when she was younger, then one of her standing tall in a dark blue uniform, her hair tied in a bun.

“That was when you got promoted to Captain.” Ava said, smiling fondly. “You hated wearing your hair like that, but it was regulation. I wanted to keep your uniform, but they only let me have the wings.” She said, pulling the badge from the box, and Sara just looked at it, unsure how to react.

“You were so proud.” Ava murmured. She was looking at the photograph. “The next day we started flying Rip’s planes.”

“Who’s Rip?”

“Our boss – some kind of technical genius, it was all very hush hush – but he made these amazing planes, and we tested them. You mostly flew them – I was better on the ground.” Ava said, still smiling. The next photograph Sara could see was her and Ava, grinning wildly, arms around each-other’s shoulders, next to a plane. “We were the PEGASUS Project.”

Sara’s head snapped up. “That’s what the man wanted me to think about.”

“The man? The one who kidnapped you?” Ava said, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion, and Sara nodded.

“He kept asking me to think about – about a ‘final flight.’”

Ava let out a shaky sigh and folded in on herself a little.

“That’s when you went missing.” She said, and under Sara’s gaze, she elaborated. “Rip was excited – you were testing some new part for the engine, I’m not sure exactly what – but the flight was gonna be a long one. You went up, and I was on comms with you – it was fine for the first few hours, then – then you were gone. Just nothing.” 

They sat in silence for a minute, as Ava gathered herself. “I tried everything to reach you, Rip was frantic – but we never reconnected. That was six years ago.”

“Did they look for me?” Sara asked.

“They did the bare minimum – just enough to close the file. I tried, I did everything, I lobbied every general and minister I could find, but none of them did anything. They kicked me out – dishonourable discharge.” Ava said, voice full of bitterness. She took a deep breath. “It was an easy cover-up. Rip had picked us, not because we’re good pilots, but because he knew, if something went wrong, no one would come looking for us.” 

“Why did you stop?” Sara said, voice stiff. 

Ava looked at her, mouth slightly open.

“Why did you stop looking for me?” Sara asked again, unsure if Ava had understood her, but Ava’s torn expression indicated that she had.

“Rip – Rip kept looking for a bit – guilt, I guess. He told me your plane had gone down somewhere over the Indian Ocean.” Ava said, looking down at her hands. “It was so far out – so deep, so cold. Deep enough they wouldn’t find anything. I stopped after that.”

Sara didn’t know what to say, or how to feel. All she felt was anger, at Ava and how she abandoned her on that island, but there was something else, something running below the surface that she couldn’t yet understand. 

She put the photographs back in the box, put the lid back on, and left.

///

That afternoon, Ava wasn’t in the house, or on the porch, or in the garden, so Sara went out to the barn. It was a large wooden structure a little way behind the house, half open to the elements, and Sara picked her way over, between the weeds and twisted lumps of rusted metal. She didn’t see her at first, then realised Ava was on the plane in the centre of the barn, sat up against the window of the cockpit. The panels in front of her were open, exposing the engine. 

Sara just looked up at her, until Ava noticed she was there. 

“What?” Ava said, not looking at her.

“What are you doing?” 

“Fixing the plane. What does it look like?” Ava said, and Sara made her way towards her. “I fix things – for everyone around here. Can you hand me the wrench?”

Sara had to stand on her tiptoes to pass the wrench up, but Ava was able to grab it. She frowned, and gave the engine a whack, the clanging sound making Sara jump.

“Sorry.” Ava said quietly.

Just as Sara turned to leave, she heard Ava speak again.

“You remember anything about engines?”

Sara shrugged. “The League gave us basic training.”

“You used to be a good mechanic, before.” Ava said, a little quieter. 

Sara climbed up the stepladder, so she was level with the engine. After five minutes of staring, she pointed to a small cylinder, caked in gunk. “The valve needs cleaning – maybe replacing.”

“You do remember.” Ava said, and they made eye contact. There was something in Ava’s expression that Sara couldn’t name – it was like she wasn’t quite there, and the person she was looking at wasn’t quite Sara.

“Do you need anything else fixing?” Sara asked, and Ava blinked, and she was back.

“There’s a lawn-mower down there. I promised Mr Johnson I’d fix it by the end of the week.” Ava said, nodding towards something covered in a sheet in the corner. Sara climbed down.

It was nice to work with her hands again, even if it was taking apart a lawnmower engine to see how it worked, then cleaning all the little bits and pieces, before putting them all back together again.

/// 

They ate dinner in silence. 

“Do you remember anything – from before? Before the League?” Ava asked. 

“Bits and pieces.” Sara said, getting a little annoyed. Even the League they let her eat in peace.

“Do you remember anything about me?” She asked, and Sara couldn’t help but notice the sort of desperate hope in her tone, like she needed the answer to be yes.

“No.” Sara said anyway.

“I could – find more photographs.” Ava muttered; her dinner forgotten. “If it would help -”

“I don’t want to.” Sara said, her voice stiff. She felt her fists clench, her nails digging into her palms.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to be her.” Sara muttered. 

“But – you were happy, before.” Ava was looking at her.

“She was happy.” Sara said. She felt her fingers grow hotter and hotter, and she pushed the feeling down. “She – your Sara, she was happy. I’m not her.”

“You could be her.” Ava said, the words spilling out, and Sara stood up, the chair scraping behind her.

“No! Fuck - I don’t want to! I don’t want -” She said, her breath coming harsh. “This house, it’s like it’s haunted, and you’re the ghost – just waiting, waiting for something that will never happen.” Sara said, the poison on her tongue filling her mouth. “She died six years ago, and you never moved on, and that’s somehow my fault?” 

Ava was glaring at her, and Sara couldn’t stop. “She died, Ava. Your Sara died. I’m not her.”

“No, you’re not.” Ava said, voice bitter and resentful. “You’re nothing like her.”

Sara wanted to scream, or hit something, she didn’t understand what she was feeling, or how anyone could feel anything this strongly.

“Then why do you look at me like that?” She said, wide eyed and desperate.

Ava looked down; her mouth set in a thin line. Like she was trying not to cry.

“You can leave.” She said, voice steady. “I wouldn’t blame you.”

Sara did. She didn’t get beyond the porch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i imagined sara's air force photo to be that uniform she wore in s1! a prime look tbh
> 
> fun fact, the timeline of this fic means that sara was born late december, back in '63
> 
> next chapter up on saturday :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for panic attacks
> 
> this one contains my fave scene of all woo

_“Again.”_

_The voice was commanding, unseen, and Sara didn’t move. She was so exhausted she was shaking, tears of desperation and loneliness pricking at the corners of her eyes._

_She was weak, she should be better than this. She needed to be better._

_“Again!” The voice said, impatient, and Sara threw the knife. It hit the centre of the target exactly, just like all the others before, but she’d finally reached a point –  
She stumbled, but strong arms caught her. _

_“That’s enough,” then, quieter, softer, “I’ve got you, my beloved. I’m here.”_

_“Nyssa -” Sara sat up, the name on her lips, blinking in the early evening light. She must’ve napped for longer than she’d intended._

Ava was standing in front of her. “Do you want dinner?” She asked, and Sara nodded mutely. 

///

Sara sat on the couch, as Ava knelt in front of the VHS player, slotting the video into place and moving back to sit next to her, a ridiculously large bowl of popcorn between them.

“I thought we could watch Indiana Jones?” Ava asked, rubbing her hands on her pyjama pants. “You – you went missing before we could see the last one.”

“I don’t remember any of them.” Sara said with a shrug. “What’s it about?”

“It’s an archaeologist – but he also like, fights Nazis.” Ava said, a little awkwardly.

Sara raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s good, I promise.” She said, blushing and pressed play on the remote. Sara missed the first few seconds, more focused on the pink on Ava’s cheeks, until Ava turned and caught her. For the rest of the film, her eyes were fixed on the screen.

///

She didn’t know what made her ask, but she did.

“Did they bury me?” 

“What?” Ava looked up.

“Did they give me a funeral?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t much.” Ava said quietly. “I got you a headstone.”

“Can I see it?” Sara asked, and Ava shrugged.

They drove out the next day. 

“I petitioned for them to give you a space on the memorial at the base, but they refused.” Ava muttered, as they made their way to the back of the graveyard. Sara was wrapped in one of Ava’s coats, trying to keep a low profile – she doubted anyone would recognise her, but getting caught going to her own grave would be a little suspicious. Ava stopped in front of the stone and put her hand on it, rubbing her thumb along the top, then withdrew it quickly, stuffing her hand back in her pocket.

‘Sara Lance, 1963 – 1989’

“What’s in there? What did you bury?” Sara asked.

“Sand.” Ava said quietly. “It was a nice coffin. They filled it with sand.” 

They were silent for a little while, as Sara looked at the grey stone, the patchy grass and the wilting flowers, then beyond, at the low fence and the cold, pale sky.

“I guess you brought the flowers.” Sara said and Ava nodded.

“Forget-me-nots.” Ava said, smiling sadly.

They stayed a little while longer, until it started to mist with a fine rain and Ava insisted they go home before they got too cold.

///

Sara lay on the floor of the barn.

Ava had gone out, and she’d been left alone for the first time in days, and she was bored.

She held her hands up, looking at the energy that swirled between her fingers, constantly shifting and changing colour. 

_“Control it.” Ra's al Ghul spat at her, and Sara shivered, willing the light between her fingers to flicker out. “You won’t be ready until you can control yourself.”_

Sara sat up, and really concentrated, letting her hands get hotter and hotter, until it was almost unbearable. She fired a bolt of energy at a paint can, which exploded, splattering blue all over the plane and the floor of the barn. She stood up, looking around for anything to clean up the mess, when she heard a sound.

“You couldn’t do that before.” Ava said, eyes wide.

“I – I couldn’t?” Sara asked, a little embarrassed at being caught unaware.

“I would have noticed if you were a goddamn superhero.” Ava said, sounding almost impressed. “What is that?”

“I don’t know – the League taught me to repress it. They gave me this -” Sara said, gesturing to her neck, moving her hair slightly so Ava could see the small metal disk that sat there. 

“What is it?” Ava asked, intrigued, pulling back Sara’s hair so she could get a better look, her fingertips running over the curves of her neck, causing Sara to shiver a little. 

“A dampener. It keeps me in check.” She said, as Ava ran her thumb over the circle. 

“Why?”

“My powers are loud and attention seeking. Not exactly qualities associated with being a good assassin.”

“Oh, so you make jokes now?” Ava snorted, clearly more interested in the disk. She poked it in the wrong place and Sara flinched. “Sorry, did I -” Ava said, retracting her hand quickly, but Sara interrupted her.

“No. It’s just sensitive.” She said, shaking her hair so it fell back over the device. “The League – if I used my powers, they shocked me. Felt like a taser.”

“They tased you?” Ava said, eyebrows scrunched together, and Sara shrugged.

“It was the League of Assassins, Ava, not a summer camp. They did much worse than tase me.”

“Do you want me to take it off?” Ava asked quietly.

“No. I need to learn to control myself first.” Sara said.

“Yeah, I don’t want you blowing up my house with your magical sparkle hands.” Ava muttered, before she looked back at the plane. “You’re gonna clean that up, right?”

///

“I think they’ll be a storm tonight.”

It was just a passing comment as they ate dinner.

“It could be a big one.” Ava hummed. “Can you feel it? The static? That’s a bad sign.”

Sara didn’t understand what was wrong with her – she’d seen storms, she’d been through them before and they hadn’t bothered her, but now she was cowering, her back pressed against the couch, her hands pressed over her ears as another crash rocked the house.

The lights flickered, and Sara couldn’t breathe.

This shouldn’t be happening, she was a trained assassin, she wasn’t some child crying in the darkness. There was a voice in the distance, but she couldn’t hear it over the sound of the thundering rain - it got closer, and there was pressure on her knees, and Sara tried her hardest to open her eyes.

“Sara? You’re having a panic attack – it’s okay, I’m right here.” The voice said, and Sara held onto it like a lifeline, but another crash shook the house and she whimpered. “You’re okay – the storm will pass, I promise. It’s outside, you’re safe in here.”

The wind died down after what felt like hours, and Sara felt herself relax, piece by piece. Her breathing slowed, her tight shoulders loosened, then, finally, she let her hands leave her ears and she opened her eyes. She could see Ava, kneeling in front of her, face twisted in worry. It wasn’t nearly so loud anymore, just the whisper of rain against the windowpanes. 

///

The next morning was awkward. Sara was uncharacteristically clumsy, almost dropping her oatmeal before she made it to the breakfast table, probably because she was running on far too little sleep.

Ava sat opposite, drinking her coffee, an apple on the table in front of her.

“Last night -” She started, and Sara looked up, a little apprehensive. She was hoping this conversation could be avoided. “What happened?” Ava finished, voice gentle and a little nervous.

“I don’t -”

“Please?”

Sara was quiet.

“It’s water. It’s always been water.” Sara said, after a minute of silence. She didn’t look to see how Ava reacted, just used her spoon to swirl the honey into her oatmeal. “The League – weakness isn’t allowed, so they used to force my head underwater until I nearly passed out. It worked, I guess, I wasn’t afraid, but then – whatever that man did with my memories, he’s made it come back again.”

It might have been the light, but Ava looked almost too pale. “I’m sorry.” She said, and Sara shrugged.

“It’s fine.” She said, because it was.

Ava looked like she was about to argue, but then appeared to think better of it. They sat in silence for a bit, before she spoke again.

“If – if it happens again, what should I do?” 

Sara just looked at her, a little confused.

“Do? Do what?”

“How can I help?” Ava asked again, and Sara looked back at her breakfast.

“I’m – I’m not sure you can. You could get hurt.” She said quietly.

Ava took another sip of her coffee, then stood up, washing the mug out in the sink before turning back to Sara.

“If you want, you can nap in my bed for a bit – if that’s more comfortable.”

Sara thought about it – she wanted too - it was too much, too close. She nodded anyway.

There weren’t many photographs around the house, Sara had noticed. There was one of Ava in her uniform on the bookshelf, then one of her and her parents on her desk.  
Now Sara could see there was another, on the bedside table. Not Ava’s side – her bedside table had some tissues and a few books and a lamp - but the vacant side. It was a nice frame, silver and delicate, a contrast to the photograph – a little blurry and badly lit. It was a polaroid of the two of them – she was laughing, and Ava was pressing a kiss to her cheek.

///

They washed the dishes every evening, mostly in silence.

"Her name was Nyssa." Sara said quietly. She was standing at the sink, listening to the low hum of the crickets out of the window. Ava's hand stilled as she reached for a plate to dry.

"Who?"

"A woman from the League. The one I dreamt about."

“Who was she?” Ava's voice was stiff, as she placed the plate into the cupboard. 

“She was … special.” Sara said, wishing suddenly she hadn’t brought it up.

"Did you love her?" 

Sara nodded. It seemed too heavy to say out loud.

"Do you ever want to go back?" Ava asked quietly.

"To her or the League?" Sara asked, but she knew what Ava meant. Ava just shrugged.

"Either."

"Not the League. I can't be that person again. I don't think I'm the same person that loved Nyssa." She said, then took a deep breath. "I'm also not the person who loved you."  
The mug slipped from Ava's hand, and Sara caught it, her hand lightning fast.

"What?"

"Those photos, this house - we were together, weren't we? I loved you."

Tears slipped down Ava's cheeks, her hands still clutching the dishtowel. "You never - you never said it. We couldn't be - official. It wasn't allowed."

"But we were something?"

"Something." She said in a hoarse whisper. "God, Sara - you were my everything."

Ava dropped cloth down and left. Sara finished the washing up, dried and put away the dishes, then made her way out to the garden, turning the light out as she went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all have been enjoying this so far!!
> 
> next chapter out tuesday so check back then :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this is the chapter y'all have been waiting for!!!

They didn’t talk about it.

They were really good at not talking about it.

Ava talked about all sorts of things – the weather, all the world events Sara had missed, the gossip about the neighbours, and she just listened.

Sara fixed things too – the leaky shed roof, the back fence, anything mechanical she could find. Ava had given her a radio – it was red, and not in bad shape, and it only took Sara about an hour of messing with the wiring until the crackling turned into music.

She was sat on the porch, looking at the little radio, when Ava stuck her head out the door.

“How do you feel about – wait, are you listening to Take That?”

Sara looked up. “It was on the radio.” She said, slightly defensively, and Ava laughed.

“Oh, sorry. Are you okay with chilli?”

Sara nodded, and Ava shut the door.

They didn’t talk about it. Sara didn’t mind.

///

It was June, suddenly.

“Look what I found!” Ava said, waving from the shed, and Sara made her way over. Ava was holding what looked like a large white sheet. “It’s a hammock!”  
Sara nodded, holding out her hands, and Ava deposited the fabric into them.

“Can I put it up?” She asked, and Ava nodded.

It took a while to find two suitable trees, and after a lot of trial and error, Sara had it up. She tugged experimentally on the ropes, and it seemed sturdy enough, so she slid in.  
The hammock was cool against her sun-warmed skin, and she felt rather weightless. The dappled sunlight shining through the trees hurt her eyes, so she shut them, yawning.

“You should put on sunscreen.” She heard Ava call as she came towards her. Sara opened her eyes and saw Ava leaning over her, eyebrow raised, and Sara yawned again.

“Yeah, yeah.” She muttered, sleep already pulling her under.

When she awoke, she already knew she’d burnt. 

Sara frowned, but the movement made her nose sting, so she settled for pouting, just a little. Ava rolled her eyes, sitting next to her on the couch.

“You chose not to wear sunscreen.” She said, looking at her with a fond smile. She opened the pot of aloe, put a little on the end of her finger, and started dabbing her nose, which made Sara yelp.

“That’s cold!”

Ava started to laugh. “You’re hopeless.” She said, still grinning, running her finger along the bridge of her nose.

“Maybe.” Sara said quietly, and they seemed to realise at the same time just how close they were sat.

“I forgot how the sun makes your freckles come out.” Ava said quietly. Sara made sure to stay perfectly still as Ava dabbed the aloe on her cheekbones, then screwed the pot shut. “There. I’ll put it back in the fridge, if you need it later.”

Ava smiled, and Sara couldn’t breathe.

///

Ava held the beer out and Sara took it. They were sat out on the porch, surrounded by the hazy summer sun and the humming of insects. 

“You never used to drink that, before.” Ava said, drinking from her bottle. “You always preferred scotch.”

“I don’t remember.” Sara said, taking a sip. “We couldn’t drink at the League.”

A minute later, Ava returned with a bottle and a glass of amber liquid. Sara took it with her free hand and took a gulp. Her eyes widened.

Sara wasn’t sure how it had gotten so late, or how they’d got to the barn, or where the bottle of scotch on the floor had come from, or why it was empty. Ava was rolling a bin towards the centre of the empty space, stumbling slightly, and Sara was rubbing her hands together, feeling the static between them.

“Okay! I’m ready!” She said, and Ava grinned, heading back towards her.

“I wanna see it explode!” Ava said, giggling, taking a swig from another bottle.

Sara was slightly distracted by the noise and released a bolt of energy that scorched the ground three feet in front of them. Ava just kept watching her expectantly, and Sara extended her hands, staring at the bin, but nothing happened.

“This isn’t very impressive.” Ava was suddenly much closer, whispering in her ear, and Sara’s hands lit up almost instantly, and the bin was on fire.  
Ava laughed in delight, and Sara threw her hands up, laughing too. The bin was nothing more than a smouldering pile of twisted metal, and Sara gratefully accepted the bottle she was offered.

“We should explode something else!” She said, grinning, and handed the bottle back, and Ava nodded enthusiastically. 

“I’ve got – a lawnmower -” She said, turning right round, before looking Sara with wide eyes, and hiccupping.

Her hands were suddenly boiling, and there was a large hole in the side of the barn. Sara stared at it, wide eyed.

“That was so cool!” Ava yelled, slurring slightly, and when Sara turned, Ava brought their lips together. She stepped back, almost immediately, eyes wide.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” She mumbled.

Sara wasn’t sure what it was – the alcohol, the thrill at using her powers, the kiss – but she felt just brave enough to step forward and pull Ava in to kiss her again. It was light and magic all at once; the feeling that came from being kissed the first time and the thousandth. 

Ava’s hands were in her hair, on her hips, they were everywhere, and Sara melted into it.

///

It was always early, when she woke. 

From the little light that was filtering through the slightly moth-eaten curtains, Sara could make out the time on the beaten-up alarm clock on the table – 5:12 AM. She turned.  
The soft morning sun cast a golden hue over the pillows, and Ava was illuminated by it.

She looked softer when she was asleep - lighter, almost. Her hair was framing her face, her hands curled up in the sheets between them. Ava had seemed so _military_ at first, with her ram-rod posture and her tight bun, and it set Sara a little on edge, but here – here in their room, that was gone. She was just Ava.

Sara liked it there, in the quiet. She stayed, until the light got brighter, and Ava started to stir, and she got up silently, made her way to the kitchen, and put enough water in the kettle for two.

///

Breakfast was more awkward than it should have been.

Ava wasn’t looking at her, hiding behind her hair, leaning awkwardly against the counter. Sara could see a bruise blossoming on her neck that she didn’t remember giving her – the whole night was shrouded in a haze.

“I’m sorry – about last night.” Ava said suddenly. 

“What?”

“We were drunk, I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that, it wasn’t fair -” Ava rambled, still not looking at her, so Sara put her coffee down and put her hand on Ava’s cheek, turning her gently.

“Last night – I wanted that; I promise.”

Ava was looking at her like she was seeing the sun for the first time, and all Sara could do was stand on her tiptoes and kiss her. 

She spent that night in Ava’s bed – and the next, and the next, and the next.

///

“Can you fight?” She asked, curious, and Ava laughed.

“I was in the army, Sara. They may have covered it.”

“We should spar.” Sara said, almost too quickly, and Ava looked at her.

“Okay.” She said, after a pause long enough that Sara thought she might say no. “Let me get changed – I’ll meet you outside.”

“Weapons?” Sara asked hopefully, looking at Ava’s retreating figure. 

Ava’s reply, a loud ‘No!’, echoed down the corridor.

They were stood opposite each-other on the dirt, Sara trying very hard to look Ava in the eye and not at the sports bra she was wearing that revealed her toned abs. Ava was smirking slightly, and Sara wondered if that had been her plan all along.

She launched forward, but Ava was ready for her. She was strong – Sara was sure she was stronger, but she kept a little part of herself back. Ava didn’t seem to notice, too focused on dodging her attacks, her chest heaving with exertion. Sara twisted and her foot collided with Ava’s stomach, not enough to hurt but just enough to push her back. 

Ava stumbled; Sara pounced. She pushed her down, her knees bracketing Ava’s waist, one hand holding onto her wrist, the other gently on her throat.

“I win.” Sara said, triumphantly, trying to calm her breathing.

Ava was looking up at her, pupils blown. There was a thin sheen of sweat over her forehead and chest, and she was panting slightly, and Sara realised that may not be from the workout. She lowered herself down slightly, pressing more of her body against Ava’s.

“You’ve gotta say it.” She said, her voice low and commanding, and Ava shivered slightly beneath her. “Ava, say it.”

“I concede – you win, Sara, fuck -” Ava said, still breathless.

“I win.” Sara said, a smug grin on her face, and she sat up slightly, her hand still pressed against Ava’s neck. She pressed a little tighter and Ava made a noise – not a moan, but not far off.

“You need to get off.” She said, her voice hoarse, and Sara quickly stood up, worried she’d done something wrong - it must have shown on her face, because Ava’s expression softened, and she stood up too.

“You weren’t hurting me.” She said, a smile playing at the edge of her lips. “Just – come on, I’m not doing this in the dirt.”

“Doing what?” Sara said, smirking a little, and Ava just rolled her eyes and pressed her up against the back door to kiss her.

///

“Tell me about her. Nyssa.”

“What do you want to know?”

Ava turned her head. They were lying in bed, half naked, still cooling off, and Sara just looked at her.

“What was she like?” Ava’s voice was tired and guarded, and Sara wondered what she wanted from this.

“She found me – she brought me back to the League. Her father – he controls the League, and she persuaded him to let me live.” Sara said quietly. “She saved my life.”

“That wasn’t what I asked.” Ava said, and Sara turned to look at her, but Ava was staring at the ceiling. 

Sara thought about it. The League felt like a lifetime ago.

“She was like fire, and ice. It always felt like we were on a knife edge.” She said quietly, telling it to the darkness and not to Ava. “It felt – I don’t know – inevitable, maybe.”  
Ava never asked it, but the question hung in the air anyway. _Do you still love her?_

Then, _do you love me?_

Sara wasn’t sure she could answer either. 

///

Sara was half asleep, slumped across the couch. Ava was sat at the other end, her legs neatly crossed, reading quietly. She yawned, and Ava turned to look at her.

“I don’t mind if you go to bed.” She said, a soft smile on her face. “I’ll be up in a bit.”

Sara sighed.

“Not yet.” She mumbled, then twisted slightly, until she was laying down, Ava moving her arms quickly to let Sara put her head on her thighs. Her expression was a little confused, and Sara just looked up at her. She wasn’t normally one for physical contact, but she was just relaxed enough that it didn’t bother her. Ava’s thighs were more comfortable than the back of the couch anyway. 

“What are you reading?” She asked, the question punctuated by another yawn.

Ava turned her book around slightly. “The Price of Salt. I’ve read it before,” then, a little quieter, “would you like me to read it to you?” 

Sara nodded, twisting slightly to get more comfortable, and Ava started to read. 

“The lunch hour in the co-workers’ cafeteria at Frankenberg’s had reached its peak -”

She awoke slowly. It was darker, and Ava wasn’t reading anymore, instead using her hand to scratch Sara’s scalp. “You ready for bed now?” She asked, voice gentle, and Sara sat up, rubbing her cheek where it had been pressed against Ava’s jeans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take that's 'back for good' was released in 1995 so uh ... oddly fitting
> 
> what do y'all think? come talk to me in the comments!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones a bit shorter but i hope y'all enjoy!!
> 
> this is the one that really earns this that M rating huh

“When’s Mrs Clarke coming to get her car?” Sara asked.

“She wants me to drive it out to her, but she’s twenty miles away. I’ll have to walk back.” Ava sighed, slicing a banana onto her oatmeal. 

Sara took a sip of her coffee. “I could drive the motorbike, then take you back on it?”

“The motorbike you stole?” Ava said, eyebrow arched, and Sara shrugged.

“He was a jerk. He didn’t deserve it.” 

Ava sighed. “Fine. But you can’t let Mrs Clarke see you, she thinks you’re dead.”

Sara liked riding the bike, feeling the wind in her hair, listening to the roar of the engine, and she followed Ava in the car until she reached the house. She parked around the corner, and it wasn’t long before Ava reappeared, stuffing some money into her pocket.

“Right – uh -” Ava said, looking very nervous, and Sara scooted forward. 

“Get on, then hold on tight.” She said, and Ava nodded, swallowing.

Ava’s arms were loose around her waist as they started off back down the road. It was long and straight, and there was no one else around. Sara decided to have a little fun.  
She revved the engine and they accelerated. Ava shrieked, her arms suddenly tight around her, and Sara felt her cheek pressed up against her shoulder blade. She thought she heard something that sounded like her name, but the wind in her ears meant she couldn’t really know for sure.

Hand twisting around the accelerator, Sara decided to go a tiny bit faster, but Ava’s yell and almost vice like grip on her waist convinced her to slow down a little. Within twenty minutes, they were in front of the house, and Sara couldn’t help but show off a little, swerving the bike to a halt just in front of the porch, kicking up dust and dirt in her wake.

She killed the engine, but Ava was still holding on tight.

“I really hate you.” Ava said, her voice muffled as she was still pressed into her jacket, and Sara grinned.

///

_Sara stood over the body, the bloody knife in her hand._

_She bent down, pulled the handkerchief from his pocket, and wiped the knife clean, before slipping it back into her belt, dropping the handkerchief onto the already blood-soaked carpet._

_There was a noise outside, and Sara turned and slipped out onto the balcony, pulling her mask back up to cover her face._

_“Daddy! Daddy!” A little voice shouted happily, then the door opened._

_“Daddy?”_

_Sara was frozen._

_“Daddy? Daddy please, get up -” The little girl was crying now, wailing, and Sara knew she had ten seconds before someone came running. She stood up and the little girl turned to look at her, eyes wide with fear. Sara jumped down from the balcony and took off running, the girl’s scream echoing in her ears._

She was suddenly freezing, shaking, her breath coming harshly. A light flickered on, and she blinked. Ava was in the corner, the covers bunched up in her arms, looking at Sara expectantly.

There was silence.

“Are you back?” She asked gently, and Sara just nodded, trying desperately to slow her breathing. Ava got back on the bed, making her movements as slow and deliberate as possible, and she looked at her, asking for permission, and Sara nodded. She moved forward gently, running her hands though her hair, then settling one hand over Sara’s heart, which Sara clung onto like a lifeline.

Her breathing slowed, and she was suddenly exhausted.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ava asked, and Sara shook her head, blinking slowly.

“Okay.” Ava murmured, pulling the covers back on the bed, and they both lay down. She clicked the light off, and they were left alone in the darkness of the early morning.  
Sara found herself pressing closer to Ava, her forehead against her shoulder. She focused on her warmth, the steady rise and fall of her chest and the little snuffling noises she made. 

///

Sara slept in, so, for the first time, she got ready for the day when Ava was awake. Barely awake - she was still laying down and grumbling. She groaned, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “Why’ve you always gotta be up so early?”

“Was I a morning person, before?” Sara hummed, picking out her clothes, and she heard Ava make a noise.

“I mean – you were always up first, but not 5am. That’s excessive.”

“It’s nearly 7! That’s late for me.” Sara said, and pulled her top off. She turned when Ava didn’t reply and found she was staring, slightly shocked. “What?” Sara said, suddenly self-conscious, and Ava swallowed.

“I didn’t know about the scars.” She said softly, and Sara just stood there. It had always been pretty dark when they’d had sex, and Sara was suddenly becoming aware of what that meant - she was covered in scars, especially on her back and shoulders.

She didn’t move as Ava stood up, just in her night-shirt and underwear, her hair soft. Sara let her kiss her gently, before Ava’s hands on her hips pushed to turn her around gently. Sara tensed as Ava’s mouth connected with the scar on her shoulder and she pressed a gentle kiss there. Ava moved down, peppering her back with kisses, as her hand moved to slip into the front of her underwear. Sara took a sharp breath in.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Ava asked, her voice soft, her breath hot in Sara’s ear.

“Not right now.” Sara said, breathless, much more focused on where Ava’s hand was.

Ava hummed, the hand that wasn’t in her underwear pressing down on her hip, and Sara tilted her head back, struggling to get her breathing under control, a little embarrassed how hot she was after just kissing. Ava’s fingers finally slipped between her folds, and Sara let out a breathy moan, cutting herself off quickly.

Ava was being gentle, far too gentle. Her mouth was back on her neck, kissing her, and Sara squirmed, a little frustrated, until Ava got a little faster and bit down on her neck, soothing the spot with her tongue. Her hand came around to palm her breast and now Sara was flush against her, Ava’s body the only thing holding her upright.

“I think they’re beautiful.” She whispered, and Sara couldn’t think, Ava’s fingers rubbing tight circles on her clit. “God, Sara, you’re so beautiful.”

Sara wanted to kiss her desperately, but the angles weren’t right, so she let her head fall back, moaning as Ava kissed her there. She was so close, so close –

Ava’s hand left her breast to sit splayed against her chest, holding her upright, as her fingers moved faster and faster, and Sara was gone, chest heaving. She barely noticed when Ava turned her around, and their lips connected. 

They didn’t leave the bed until midday.

///

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” 

The question was unexpected. They’d been sat on the porch swing in comfortable silence, drinking beers and watching the sun slowly dip below the horizon.

Ava looked at her, eyes sad and kind all at once. “What do you mean?” She asked, and Sara dropped her eyes to her lap.

“I’ve – I’ve done a lot of bad things.” She said quietly, feeling stupid, like a child. She didn’t have the right words for any of this.

“You didn’t have a choice.” Ava said. She wasn’t looking at Sara, she was looking out towards where the fading light illuminated the trees. Sara just looked at Ava.

“Does that matter?”

“Yes.” Ava said, turning to look at her. “Sara – you’re not a bad person.”

Sara didn’t say anything, just took another sip of her beer.

“You’ll believe me, one day.” Ava said quietly.

///

“You wanna take her up?” 

They’d finished the last of the adjustments to the plane, and Sara had even cleaned the cockpit, so everything sparkled like new. Ava had taken it up a few times, testing if everything worked, but Sara had held back on going with her.

“I – I don’t know. I haven’t flown in a long time.”

“I’ll have the controls. You can be the passenger.” Ava said, smiling, her hand resting on the wing. “If you’re not up to it, that’s fine -”

“I want to try.” Sara said quietly. “I think I’ll be okay.”

They went up the next day, because it was gloriously sunny, the kind of weather that only came in the dying throes of summer, and Ava didn’t want to miss it. They worked together to wheel the plane out of the barn, pointing it along the road that led to the house, which was just long enough to act as a runway. 

Sara clambered up into the seat behind Ava’s, and settled the headset over her ears, so they could still talk whilst in the air. Ava set about flicking the instruments on, doing her final checks, then pressing the switch that caused the engine to rumble into life.

Sara grasped her shirt, cold fear running down her spine.

“You ready?” Ava asked, and Sara managed to stutter out a reply as the plane started to roll down the road, picking up speed. It was shaking so hard Sara was sure the whole thing would fall apart, but Ava’s calm, smooth movements over the controls kept her from spiralling.

Ava pushed the joystick down gently, and then, with a little bump, they lifted off the ground.

Sara made a noise, something between a cheer and a squeal, her eyes fixed out of the window on the ground as it fell away beneath them.

“You okay?” Ava said, concerned, and Sara nodded, before realising she couldn’t see her.

“We’re flying!” was all she could say, and Ava laughed, the sound crackling over the headset.

“Yeah, what did you think was gonna happen?”

They stayed in silence for a while, as they climbed higher and higher. Sara just stared at the snaking dirt road beneath them as it opened up onto lush green, then further on, into little pockets of houses and towns. The sky was so bright and blue it almost hurt to look at, but she couldn’t look away.

“How are you doing back there?” Ava asked.

“I’m okay.” Sara said, focused on the distance. “Are those – mountains? Over there?”

“Yeah.” Ava said, then after a beat of silence, “We could go see them, if you wanted? We could take the truck out there.”

“I’d like that.” Sara said quietly, looking across at the snow-capped peaks with the clouds swirling between them.

They didn’t stay up long – Ava didn’t want to get on the wrong side of any air traffic laws, so it was only early evening when they touched down, a little way from the barn. Sara pulled off her headset, opened the cockpit and slid down, her legs a little shaky from being cramped up for so long.

“How was it?” Ava asked, jumping down next to her, and Sara just beamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter out on monday!!
> 
> why not follow me on tumblr? i'm puppetsoftomorrow!! (i'm gonna post some ideas for what i think a white canary / captain marvel outfit would look like and i wanna see y'alls opinions)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for panic, drowning and general angst
> 
> this one made me sad when i wrote it so be warned

Sara huffed, pulling the door open with her free hand, the other carrying at least four shopping bags.

“You could just take two trips!” Ava shouted at her from the car, and Sara was going to shout something sarcastic back, when she turned, and saw a familiar face in the doorway.

She dropped the bags and had a knife to his throat in a split second. There was silence, save the sound of a few cans rolling over the porch and Sara’s breath coming hard through gritted teeth.

“Rip?” Ava was in the doorway, and Sara looked at her.

“This is the man who took my memories.” She said, confused, and Ava’s eyes widened.

“I can explain.” Rip said, and Sara pressed the knife closer, drawing a thin line of blood, but Ava’s hand on her arm stopped her from going any further. They looked at each other.

Five minutes later, he was tied to a chair in the middle of the living room. Ava was perched on the couch, and Sara was pacing around, the knife still in her hand. Ava looked at her, one eyebrow raised, and Sara huffed, sitting down next to her on the couch, sliding the knife back into the holster strapped to her thigh.

“Start talking.” She said, glaring at Rip. She couldn’t help but notice how sunken his eyes were, how his beard was even scruffier – whatever was happening, it was taking a toll on him.

“I’m not the man you think I am.” He said, voice hollow, and Sara sat forward a little. “I’m not from your time – I’m a Time Agent, working on behalf of the Time Masters. They’re – a group, they control history, making sure nothing is changed, and I did their bidding for years. But what they were doing was wrong, they were letting atrocities happen, and I couldn’t let them do that anymore. I tried to fight back, but they discovered me, and I was exiled, to here. To Earth.”

“To here?” Sara said, a little skeptical, and Rip nodded.

“I needed to get back to them. I needed a ship.”

“The PEAGSUS project.” Ava breathed. “You were – you were building a time machine?” 

Rip nodded.

There was silence. Sara wasn’t sure how to process any of this, but she believed him. Time travel, time agents, time masters – she could add it to the pile of fucked up things that formed her life so far.

“Why did you come here?” Ava asked, voice cagey. 

“I need your help.” Rip said, looking at the floor.

“What? No!” Ava said indignantly. “You let Sara almost die, you let me believe she was dead! You kidnapped her! I won’t help you -” 

“I’m sorry – to both of you.” He said, tone grave. “But this is much bigger than all of us.”

“What could you need -” Sara started, then something clicked. “My memories.”

Rip nodded. “You’re the only one who can remember where the plane went down, and I need that engine. I tried, before, but you were too closed off.”

“You let me go so I’d come here.” Sara said quietly. “Being here – it could have jogged my memory.”

“I thought it was worth taking a chance.” Rip said. “If you untie me, we can get started.”

“No!” Ava said quickly, and Sara looked at her, then stood up, nodding towards the kitchen. After a minute, Ava followed her. Once the door was shut, Ava turned to look at her, eyes wide.

“You’re not seriously considering helping him?” She said, and Sara crossed her arms. “You said, before – that it was like torture. You shouldn’t have to go through that again.”

“Ava, you don’t speak for me. I decide how far I’m willing to go.” Sara said, voice steady. Ava just stood there.

“You don’t owe him anything.” She said quietly. 

“I know.” Sara said. “But if he’s telling the truth – I want to help.”

Ava looked exhausted, like all the fight had gone out of her, and she nodded meekly.

///

Sara opened her eyes, and she was staring up at a dark sky. The stars were so bright they weren’t individual pinpricks anymore, just a smattering of light against a swirling tapestry. 

She was lying in a truck bed, on a couple of blankets and pillows, and she turned, and Ava was there, staring up at the stars, smiling dreamily.

“I said you’d enjoy this.” Sara said, and Ava turned to smile at her.

_Focus, Sara. You need to focus._

She was at the airfield, and Rip was there, in a white shirt and aviators.

“Welcome to the PEGASUS project, Miss Lance.” He said, and Sara grinned.

“It’s Captain now, actually.”

_Later – much later – think about being there, in the plane -_

“I think – I think I can maybe make it to Australia?” She said into the comms, praying someone could hear her. The instruments were going haywire and there was nothing to guide her, the endless ocean below her offering no help. “C’mon, Ava, pick up -” 

She’d lost contact with Ava hours ago, and now the cold dread in her stomach was becoming overwhelming.The spluttering noises she could hear from the engine were getting louder and louder, the whole thing was groaning with the effort of staying in the air, and the beeping of the instruments reached a fever pitch. Her hands were shaking as she gripped the joystick, but it was no use -

“I’m – I can’t hold it!” She shouted, praying someone could hear her. “My co-ordinates are 537-678-8754 – please, Ava -”

The ship exploded.

Sara was thrown clear, flying through the air so fast she couldn’t breathe – her eyes were forced open by the whistling wind, and she could see she was surrounded by a blue energy. She hit the water so hard all the air was forced from her body, she took a breath on instinct and felt the cold, salty water flooding her lungs. She struggled, spluttering, but black spots were obscuring her vision and she couldn’t tell what way was up anymore, much less get her leaden limbs to obey her and swim.

She sank, down and down and down.

///

Sara blinked and sat bolt upright, breathing in far too deeply, causing herself to splutter. There was a hand on her back, one in her hair –

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, it’s over. You’re safe.” The worried voice was familiar, and the world came back – she was on the couch, Ava was sat next to her, expression twisted, and Sara could only lean against her, pressing her cheek to her shoulder, until her breathing slowed. There was silence.

“Where’s Rip?” Sara asked, sitting up.

“Barn.” Ava said quietly. “I may have chewed him out about putting you through that.”

“What happened?” Sara asked, still a bit shaken, and Ava reached to pull the blanket from the back of the couch and drape it around her shoulders.

“You were fine – just talking, then you started panicking. The plane was going down.” Ava said, and Sara moved to hold her hand. “You said the co-ordinates, and Rip was writing them down, then – then you were just screaming.” Ava’s voice was shaking, and Sara could see the wetness in the corner of her eyes. “He wanted to see if you said anymore, but then you were struggling to breathe so he shut it off. Then you passed out. You were out for about an hour.”

Sara nodded, suddenly exhausted. 

“C’mon – lets go upstairs.” Ava said quietly, and Sara didn’t let go of her hand until they got to their bedroom. Laying on Ava’s chest, half asleep, with Ava’s hand in her hair, she could finally breathe again. She stayed awake, listening to Ava’s soft breaths, and trying not to think about how much she would miss this.

///

They stood in the kitchen, drinking coffee together, like every morning that had come before.

“I want to go with him.” Sara said.

There was an awful silence.

“What?” Ava whispered, and Sara wrapped her arms around herself.

“I want to help – if he’s telling the truth, these time masters need to be stopped.”

There was silence.

“You’ve given him what he needs.” Ava said, voice desperate. “Please, Sara -” 

“I could help, Ava, my abilities – I don’t even know what I can do. He needs me.”

“I need you.” Ava said. Her voice was hoarse. “Sara, please, please don’t leave me again.”

Sara was quiet. The house was quiet, apart from the wind outside, shaking the trees.

Ava was crying quietly. She sat down on the chair, running her hands through her hair.

“I love you.” Sara said. It was unexpected, but it was like the mist had lifted, and her words rang with a clarity of truth that was unfamiliar to her. 

Ava looked at her, eyes wide. “Take it back.” She whispered, and Sara just stared at her, a little confused. “God, Sara, you can’t tell me you love me then, then fucking leave, again – you don’t get to do that. Take it back -”

“I won’t.” Sara said, stiff and awkward. “I love you.”

Ava sniffed, looking at her almost angrily, but the expression was muted by the tears on her cheeks.

“When do you go?” She asked, then turned, and Sara did too – Rip was standing in the doorway. “Now?” Ava asked again, head turning back to Sara, who could only nod.   
“I’ll be in the car.” Rip said, nodding awkwardly, and turning tail to leave.

They were left alone. Sara looked at the sunlight streaming through the window, and the way it shone on Ava’s hair, and glinted off the tears still flowing down her cheeks.  
“I’ll come back when I’m done, I promise.” Sara said, and Ava just looked up at her.

“You can’t promise me that.” Ava said, quiet and resigned. She stood up and wiped her eyes and cheeks roughly. “Did you pack a bag?”

“I don’t think I’ll need it, not where I’m going.” Sara said, with a little smile. 

“Again, with the jokes.” Ava said, but she smiled back.

“You can look after it for me – ‘til I get back.” Sara said, and Ava’s face fell, but she nodded.

They walked together, through the door, over the porch and down the steps. The car was idling in the road, and Sara turned. Ava was watching the car. 

“I’m sorry.” Sara said quietly, crossing her arms, not sure what to say or do. Unfamiliar emotions she couldn’t name were swirling in her chest, and she couldn’t do anything but look at Ava. Ava just looked back at her, smiling gently. Her hand came up to run her fingers through Sara’s hair, and she leant into the touch.

“Go. Go be the big dumb hero.” Ava said quietly, smiling a little. Sara leant forward and brought their lips together. The kiss was too hard and over too quickly, and when she pulled away, she stayed close, listening to Ava’s little catch breaths. “I love you too.” Ava whispered, and Sara smiled.

Ava let go of her, taking a little step back, and Sara turned.

She walked to the car, got in, and Rip drove away. Sara turned, even though she knew she shouldn’t, and watched, as Ava got smaller and smaller. 

Then, they turned a corner, and she was gone. 

Sara turned back, wiping at her cheeks. She wasn’t sure when she’d started to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only the epilogue left!! what could happen!!
> 
> come cry with me in the comments!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its all done now!! thanks to everyone who's stuck with this!
> 
> also a bit of Ava's POV for this chapter!!

Ava was 26 when they met; an air-force pilot, with bright eyes and burning ambition.

Sara burned brighter. She was the centre of attention in every room, and Ava thought she hated her until Sara pressed her against the wall in Pancho’s Bar and kissed her senseless. 

Sara was the sort of person who became so much a part of your life that, when Ava looked back, it seemed inconceivable that any part of her life should have happened without her. Her shitty, homophobic parents who’d turned her out the day she turned 18, the horrid early years in the army where she was ignored and ridiculed, were all forgotten – Ava met Sara, and the rest didn’t matter. 

They moved in together sooner than they should have, but the base had too many eyes, so they scraped together everything they had and bought the first place that came up. It was cold and ramshackle, and the roof was full of holes, but it was theirs, and they were happy.

Then Sara died, and the bottom fell out of her world.

Ava found herself unable to stop – she worked tirelessly; digging up evidence, writing letters, screaming at whoever was unfortunate enough to get in her way – until Rip sat her down and told her what had happened. _Go home,_ he said gravely. _There’s nothing more you can do._

It had been five months, and she hadn’t cried, not even at the funeral. She cried that night, drinking so much her face went numb, pulling all of Sara’s clothes from the wardrobe and her books from the shelves, leaving them scattered in the attic.

She went up the next day and packed everything away, folding the clothes carefully.

Ava had spent two years loving Sara and six years grieving her, only for her to turn up on her doorstep, a completely different person. She’d lost all the soft parts Ava had come to love – this Sara was all hard lines and bluntness, content with silence and solitude. 

Enough time had passed that she’d forgotten things – the way Sara tipped her head down when she was embarrassed or when Ava was complimenting her, the way she’d smile, like she knew something no one else did, the way she twisted her rings when she was nervous. This Sara didn’t do those things. She never smiled, her hands and body moved mechanically, everything calculated, precise. She did what Ava asked of her, quietly, without complaint. 

Ava hated her and loved her, loved her, loved her. 

They found a funny sort of domesticity – like they were children, playing at it. Ava made her coffee every morning and took it out to her on the porch, Sara passed her tools as she fixed her neighbour’s cars, they sat together on the couch, watching whatever she could get from Blockbuster. 

Then, finally, everything changed. Kissing her was like coming home, and Ava could breathe again.

This Sara was still different though. She woke up early. Ava noticed her staring sometimes, in the early morning when she wasn’t quite awake, but Sara was always gone by the time she woke up properly.

It was a warm and hazy summer. It wouldn’t last.

Rip came back, spinning a story about time travel and time masters and time ships, and Ava would have thought he was lying if it wasn’t so weird.

She hadn’t expected Sara to leave with him. 

It had plagued her when they were first together, the fears that Sara would find someone more exciting, a better adventure, and she’d be gone, and Ava would be left behind. Now it had happened twice, she was starting to suspect the fear hadn’t been so unfounded. She went to the grave, sometimes – the only thing she had left of her. It was peaceful there, leaving flowers, drinking beer and watching the sun set. 

She thought about leaving, about going somewhere else and starting a new life, but it was fleeting. Sara had promised she would come back, and she would wait. She’d wait a lifetime if that’s what it took. 

///

Ava was exhausted, but she couldn’t sleep.

She’d finished working on Mr Johnson’s tractor, and when he came to collect it, he saw the plane. He said he’d bought the abandoned airport over the hill, and, if he could get everything organised, he might one day fix it up, and if he did, would she consider giving flying lessons there? Ava had said she’d think about it. She lay in bed, just smiling. It would be nice to fly again.

There was a knock at the door – not the front door, the back door, and Ava was up, flying along the corridor, yanking it open, praying it wasn’t some lost idiot –

Sara was there, smiling shyly at her, and Ava was frozen.

Sara’s face fell. “Ava? Shit, is this the wrong time? Rip said it would be about two months -”

Ava’s muscles finally obeyed her, and she stepped forward and wrapped Sara up in her arms. She didn’t know why she was crying. She felt Sara squirm a little in her grip and Ava let her go, pulling back just enough to look at her. “It’s been nearly 6.” She said, breathlessly, and Sara’s eyes widened.

“Years? Fuck, I’m so -”

“Months, months, it’s okay. It’s only been six months.” Ava said, laughing, and Sara just beamed at her, dimples and all. 

“I’ve missed you.” Sara said, her voice soft, and Ava felt like crying all over again. She opened her mouth, to talk or to kiss her, she hadn’t decided, when she noticed a shape in the background.

“Oh – uh – that’s the Waverider.” Sara said, gesturing to the giant spaceship in the garden, and Ava could see a few people coming down from the ramp. “And these are the Legends. Sorry, I think we landed on your fence -” 

///

They lay in bed, Ava unable to sleep. She could only watch Sara as she stared at the ceiling. The little metal disk on her neck had gone, and she looked different, somehow. Ava couldn’t help but wonder how long it had been for her – maybe Sara had been away for years. Maybe she was a different person again. 

“I know you’re staring.” Sara said, turning back to her, smiling playfully.

“Are you staying?” Ava asked, voice crystallising in the semi-darkness. Sara’s expression dropped.

“Ava -”

“Please. I need to know.” Ava said quietly.

“I want to.” Sara said, her voice small. “But -”

Ava blinked, tears on her cheeks.

“I don’t think I can.” Sara finished, her hand coming up to wipe the tears away, and Ava nodded. “The Legends – they need me. We’re a team. I’m – I’m helping people. I need to.”

Ava understood, she really did. It didn’t mean it hurt any less.

“Would you come with me?” 

Ava looked up. “What?”

“I mean – if you want to, but – I think it could work.” Sara said, voice hopeful.

“On the ship? I don’t have any powers.” Ava said, slightly dumfounded, and Sara sat up.

“Neither does Rip! Or Mick, really, he’s just got the gun – we could make it work.” Ava sat up, and Sara turned to her, eyes wide. “Aves, there’s nothing for you here anymore, not really. Come with me.”

Ava opened her mouth, then shut it again. 

“You don’t have to do this.” She said, looking at Sara’s hand in hers. “I don’t need your pity.”

“It’s not pity.” Sara said quietly, and Ava gathered up the courage to look up, and their eyes met.

“Okay.” She whispered, and Sara’s eyes widened. “Okay, I’ll do it -”

She squeaked as Sara almost jumped in her lap, kissing her soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i agonised for ages over giving this a happy or angsty ending ... if you would have prefered a sad ending just ignore this chapter lol

**Author's Note:**

> this is a different style for me? so let me know what y'all think :)
> 
> kudos and comments always appreciated!! if you want to be emailed when this updates, don't forget to subscribe!


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